How I feel About Christmas As A Widow

 

Well, I really just love Christmas. It has always been my favorite time of the year. My best memories as a little girl are defiantly those from Christmas time. The ones that stand out the most for me are the ones my family and I spent in our little Fisherman’s cottage holiday home in Gordon’s Bay when I was Elijah’s age. I distinctly remember standing at my bedroom window looking out towards the beach side when I heard magical twinkling of sleigh bells. I just knew that was Father Christmas leaving to go back to the North Pole. Elijah had a photo shoot in Gordon’s Bay this week so I decided to drive past our old holiday house and show him our old holiday home. It was a little bit run down but I still got that same tingly feeling that I got as a small girl staring out the window.

 

 

When Darrell and I got married we made it our thing that we “did” Christmas at our home every year. Darrell was always on call on Christmas Day so it was just easier to invite everyone over to have a big feast together. We always invited all the strays as we hated to think of anyone alone on Christmas Day and along with family would celebrate in style. I would always make Nigella’s gammon cooked in Coke a Cola, a big leg of lamb with anchovy and garlic stuffing, my famous roast potatoes (my family is quite competitive when it comes to making roast potatoes) Yorkshire pudding, countless salads and vegetables and then yummy pavlova, trifle and of course a small Christmas pudding with money in it. I would lovingly decorate the table and our house to have just the right stylish festive atmosphere. I just adored playing host, especially at this most special time of year.And when Elijah came along everything was just perfect. We were in our dream house, so in love with each other and our gorgeous little baby. Elijah was so chilled out as a baby that I had all the time in the world to cook up our Christmas feast. Next to our wedding day that last Christmas was one of the best days of my life. Happy, content, blessed and with a full tummy.

 

 

Fast forward three years and little Elijah and I are making our own traditions and memories at Christmas time. There is no such wonder as watching the magic of Christmas through a small child’s eyes. We have decorated the biggest tree I could find with my beautiful decorations I have lovingly collected over the years, each one telling a story, from the porcelain rocking horses that Darrell and I bought when we were desperate to add to our family (I do not say start a family here as we already were a family with just the two of us) to the beautiful angel Elijah made at play school. We have had Elijah’s nativity play where he was the inn keeper and said his lines so proudly. We are reading books on the birth of Jesus and the meaning of Christmas. We planing on going to a carol service and more learning about the Christmas story. We have a lot of yummy Christmas baking to do, a Noddy Christmas party to go which will be  only one of a handful of late night outs that Elijah will have had in his life so far. Visiting friends and family to take gifts and just basking in all the love of this time of the year. I have not quite decided what we shall be doing on Christmas Day itself yet (not for the lack of invitations), being a widowed mummy makes me feel like I do not belong anywhere, but even if Elijah and I spend the day at home just the two of us I will make sure that our Christmas Day is the most magical for my little boy. And hope he gets that tingly feeling like I did as a child.

 

 

My wish for you all is to have a safe, happy festive season surrounded by those you love. Love each other so hard and do not take one minute for granted. If you celebrate Christmas remember what it means and share the joy with those around you.

 

Photographs taken by Trune Todd Photography, A Cape Town based family, lifestyle and wedding photographer.

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4 Replies to “How I feel About Christmas As A Widow”

  1. I know that feeling of not really belonging, when your “normal” family traditions are thrown for a loop with the loss of a loved one. Its having to learn where we all fit now. Especially if the person you lose is a pivotal part of those celebrations. This Christmas we also have no idea what we are doing as yet or where we fit into everything. Maybe we too will just stay home and make it our own Christmas.

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  2. I really enjoyed reading this latest blog posting. Keep trusting God no matter what happens. Where else can we turn when life doesn’t make sense? Despite the the things that have happened, I hope that you can still find a way to make Christmas a very special and happy time for you and Elijah. God bless the both of you, and Merry Christmas!

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